I’m on day 100. A hundred days without alcohol.

When I set out, this milestone would have been super-duper proud enoughness.  Goal complete.  I proved I was stronger than it. I got out (from its grip).  Again, *not* an alcoholic, just…craving. Most days of the week.  Despite that most of those days I succeed in ‘moderation’ by waiting to the weekend.  And succeed in ‘moderation’ by having less drinks than I wanted.

So, I *could* resume drinking at this point…

But why would I *want* to?  I feel … so empowered. Able to feel choice instead of compulsion. True pleasure is different than satisfying an *urge*.

When I started this, for the FIRST time, that wasn’t ever an assumption. It was never a set “cleanse” – it was an experiment. It wasn’t a duration of suffering that I would endure, and then afterwards *celebrate* the huge accomplishment by rewarding myself as I usually do for achievements, with alcohol. (Or with whatever the thing was that I was abstaining from for any cleanse (abstaining because I knew, deep down, it wasn’t serving me)). So that I could go right back to the way I was.  Which wasn’t good. Which wasn’t thriving.

I’ve always felt so far from thriving that I didn’t know what thriving actually did feel like.  But, if I had to guess, THIS *feels* more like thriving. My body just feels fundamentally healthier. (Fundamentally less poisoned).

So, like I realized last night, I still don’t know what the future holds.  But right now still? Sure, I could certainly go back to drinking. I’ve **earned** it, sure.  But why would I want to?  It doesn’t matter what other people do, and it doesn’t matter if something exists to them that doesn’t exist for me…. Because what it does to me, BIG PICTURE OVERALL, just.isn’t.worth.it.anymore.

I did that with gluten, dairy, processed foods, fast foods … so many things, true. But for so much gain (now that I can look back over time&commitment).  That means I can do it with alcohol too. If I want.  It doesn’t have to torture me, ever.  If I’m over it.  Just, over it.

It’s peaceful over here.